Consent is mandatory at all KK events, and we wanted to create a clear document explaining in detail what consent means to us, and how it will function at our parties. We are really excited to be able to present you with this article. It is not only the culmination of much work with many experts (each of whom KK thanks and acknowledges for their time and invaluable input) but it is also the key to having a fantastic time at our exclusive and exploratory events.
Thank you for taking the time to read it, and we look forward to welcoming you to one of our parties very soon.
What Is Consent?
Consent is clear, continued communication between two or more people. It is a constant dialogue of request, permission, affirmation and refusal. Although most regularly referred to in this context, it isn’t limited to intimate or sexual acts. Consent should be something we are practising in all facets of our lives, whether that is sharing a drink, paying someone a compliment, embracing a friend, or greeting someone new. Consent can be given or revoked at any time, and there are many ways to give and revoke consent, including verbal communication, facial expressions, deliberate gestures, body language and physical contact.
At Killing Kittens, you will be in an environment with new people, whose boundaries, body language and preferences will be unknown to you. We therefore recommend using verbal consent as a clear form of communication at our events. You must ASK before making any kind of physical contact, and if you are wanting to watch or engage in another way with others, you must try as much as possible to determine whether they are comfortable with that. You also need to wait to be sure of the reply before joining in, whether you are interacting with one person or a whole group.
Consent applies to people of ALL GENDERS.
You are not exempt from seeking consent if you identify as a woman or are non-binary or otherwise GNC, regardless of who your attentions are directed towards. Gender identity or historical oppression does not excuse bad behaviour, or mitigate the need to ask for consent.
Attendance at a KK event is NOT de facto consent for any and all kinds of touch and or sexual contact.
It is entirely up to each individual how they choose to enjoy our parties, whether that is through engaging in sex, voyeurism or avoiding play altogether.
Consent must be clearly sought and given before initiating any kind of physical contact at our events, including greetings such as hugs, kisses and handshakes as examples.
How To Seek Consent
There are many ways to gain consent. Use open-ended questions where possible rather than something that requires a yes or no answer. Yes/no questions are also an option, of course, but they can have the effect of putting someone on the spot. This might make them feel pressure to say yes, as it always feels easier to say yes than no. Open-ended questions allow someone to express a no in a way that feels right to them, or to suggest an alternative course of action. Examples of open questions might be “How would you feel if I…?” if there is something you know you would like to do, or “What would you like?” if you want to be guided by the other’s person(s).
People come to our events to explore all kinds of different things, to have new experiences or to simply enjoy the atmosphere. It is important to understand and respect this at all times. Have conversations with one another to discover what it is you are looking for, and to determine whether you might want to explore together if your intentions are aligned.
How To Seek Consent As A Couple
The boundaries and consent of a couple are not any more privileged than those of a single person at our events. We would like to remind all couples that negotiations need to include all parties, with the boundaries of each person being equally valid and considered. Threesomes at Killing Kittens are not made of a couple plus a third, they are made of three individuals. We ask all couples to be aware of the power that presenting as two people can have, and to be mindful, respectful and considerate when including or involving other individuals in their play.
What Is A “No”?
The simplest formula is - if it isn’t a clear yes, it’s a no.
It’s important to remember that consent can only be given for the question asked - if you ask “How horny are you feeling?” and someone responds “Very”, that isn’t consent for sex or to be touched. A follow-up question - along the lines of “Is there anything I can do to help with that?” or “What would you like to do about it?” is needed to determine consent for further, perhaps physical, interactions.
Receiving a “no” is not something to be afraid of! “No” is not a personal attack or rejection, reflecting only what is happening in the moment. It expresses important information about the person saying no, not about you receiving it. We encourage everyone at our events to receive a “no” in the knowledge that “yes” can only have power when “no” is freely available. Equally, we want all our attendees to know that they will not be punished, rebuked or judged for saying “no”, and that clear and respectful establishment of boundaries is actively encouraged.
Assumptions Are Unwelcome
All genders, sexualities, religions, cultures, races and bodies are welcome at Killing Kittens. We ask all attendees to please not make any assumptions about other people’s gender, physiology or background at our events or in the KK community at large. When introducing yourself, you have the option to also say which pronouns you use (e.g. Hello, my name is Emily, and I use she/her pronouns). This is of course not mandatory, and it is up to each individual whether they would like or feel comfortable to introduce themselves in this way. Stating your pronouns can help to make other people feel safe to do so, which is an important part of creating the inclusive and welcoming environment that is so integral to the Killing Kittens experience.
What To Do If You Have Misgendered Someone
In the event of misgendering someone, we recommend that you apologise, correct yourself and move on. Please do not try to explain yourself, or make a big fuss, or try to minimise the impact of what has happened. Repeatedly misgendering someone is abusive, and will not be tolerated at our events. If this is happening to you, or you notice it happening to someone else, please speak to a member of KK staff who will help.
Non-Consensual Sex or Sexual Touching Constitutes Assault
Assault is an affront on our shared humanity and it is a crime. Any allegations of assault at our events will be taken extremely seriously. If you behave in a way that violates consent, you will be removed from the venue and you run the risk of having your KK membership revoked. We will also not hesitate to report any incidents to the appropriate authorities.
Concerns Or Incidents Should Be Reported To Trained KK staff on-site
Our hosts can be distinguished by the red LED armbands they wear, or you can speak directly to security staff, who will seek to resolve the issue immediately with the assistance of the event manager.
Our staff are trained to deal with all kinds of situations, from calming nerves to solving any issues that may occur between the attendees on the night, with security staff being distinguishable only by a security pin to ensure that any action taken is discrete.
Our hosts and managers are there to help you have the best experience possible. However, if you do not feel safe or comfortable reporting an incident or expressing your concerns on the night, for whatever reason, you can email email@example.com.
The wellbeing, safety and joy of our attendees are of paramount importance to us. We are committed to creating an intentional space for exploration, where if mistakes happen (as they sometimes will do) we can manage, resolve and learn from them as an organisation and as a community.
Always remember that in the world of KK, it’s the Kittens who make the first move.
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